6 Things About Marriage You Thought Were True But Aren't
1. Active listening is the cure for an ailing marriage - usually the basis of most marital therapies, has an initial benefit but very little long term influence. Initially it can reduce hostility but fixing a marriage needs a different approach. Many happily married couples don't listen to each other with emotional detachment.
2. Resolve all your conflicts and your marriage will be saved - seems sensible enough to work but not borne out by actual research. Many happy couples never resolve some of their conflicts. It's how you deal with them that makes all the difference.
3. Doing things together keeps you together - not always the case. How you interact when you do these things is the vital aspect. Lots of happy couples have separate interests.
4. Affairs are the cause of most breakups - simply not true. Many affairs happen after a partner decides to call it quits on the marriage. Affairs are usually more about needing emotional support than sex. A cry for help or a signal that they want out of the relationship.
5. Men and women want extremely different things from a relationship and that is what causes conflict - whilst it might seem that the different sexes want different things, when boiled down to the basics, men and women want to feel the same level of support and friendship. The differences are superficial and can be worked on.
6. Divorce is the best way to deal with a distressed marriage - if you have children, the fallout and long term effects last a lifetime. Whilst emotional, physical or psychological abuse should not be tolerated and need to be dealt with, breaking up a family usually has unintended repercussions that nobody foresees. Better for both partners to commit to completing the Marriage WorXX program and implementing what they have learnt to repair and strengthen their relationship. Even if there is an eventual parting of the ways, the split should be less acrimonious and reduce the possible devastating effects on the rest of the family.